It’s been a year since I am pondering over starting to write a book. I wake up every fine morning and think that I will start today. But somehow I never find time to start. I always say to myself, “Today I will start for sure” but I never actually started.

Same is the story with my friend. She has been wanting to start her own bakery, by leaving her job. But it’s now years she has been postponing her dream and carrying on with her desk job that she does not love at all.

It’s not that I am not genuinely willing to write a book, or that my friend is not seriously interested in starting her own bakery.  We wish to, but still there is some unknown resistance that’s making it tough for us to start, to take that first step.

I am pretty sure, me and my friend are not alone in this struggle. There are many among us who want to start a new habit, a new venture, a new business, a new initiative  or a new task, and fail everyday to take that first step. It’s always in our mind that we should start now, but yet we never start. 

The only practical solution to this problem perhaps is to find out the reason behind our fear to start. And then start acting upon it. 

We have tried to find the answers given by psychology experts, by going through various talks, researches and write ups, and here is what we found.

Why We are so Scared, Tensed or Lazy to Start something New

1. Forming Neural Network is not that Easy

While it is easier for children and teenagers to learn new things, as we become adults, the structure and neural network in our brain becomes more rigid. Hence we find it tough to form a new routine or a new habit. 

When we start something new, we need to incorporate new tasks, habits and routine in our life. For example, if you are trying to build up the habit of going to the gym, maybe you need to wake up early to make time for the gym. Or, if you want to learn to drive a car, you need to go to the driving school, make a time slot in your daily routine, to learn driving and so on. 

Let’s say you are doing a job. Now, you want to start a business, you have to find new ideas, think differently and act differently than what you are doing now. 

In short, whatever it is, in doing something new, our usual daily life changes in some way or the other, and our brain resists it. 

A well set neural network is already established in your brain for your current habits and routine. But in establishing a new habit or routine, some changes need to be made to the existing neural network. This process is somewhat painstaking and time taking. This is why we feel discomfort in starting something new.

When we do something out of habit, we do not need to actively pay attention to the task at hand. For example, we have been walking since we were around one year old. So we do not need to pay attention to the act of walking. But now if we want to learn cycling, we need to pay attention, be alert and put efforts to cycle without falling down. But gradually as we become habituated, i.e. a strong neural network related to cycling is formed in our mind, we can cycle effortlessly, without paying any attention to the act of cycling. 

When we start something new, we need to pay attention, be alert, and make more mental efforts to stay focused on this new task. This acts as a resistance that makes starting tough.

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2. Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is one of the major obstacles that stop us from starting a new venture. We fear that our new endeavor may fail, or may not meet our own expectations. This fear demotivates us from starting out, Or even if we start, we feel stuck and leave in the middle.

There are many examples, where someone starts a new task and leaves in the middle. There are aspiring writers, who start writing, and after continuing for some days, they feel that they are not writing well enough. They feel demotivated and stop writing. Same is the case with artists, bodybuilders,  entrepreneurs, in fact with most of us. 

Cognitive Psychologist Dr Amanda Crowell, in one of her talks mentions a term ‘defensive failure’. 

Defensive failure is the mind’s way to guard you from real failure. In thinking of starting something new, we also think “what if I fail?”. Our brain wants to protect us from the pain of real failure. Hence it creates a sense of fear and certain mental blocks that dissuades us from starting out. In one of her talks, Dr. Amanda Crowell mentions about 3 major mental blocks that we face in starting something new.

3 Mind blocks  that stop you from starting something new.

• You think that you do not have the required talent or genetics to do what you are willing to start.

For example – You want to start a business, but at the same time you are convinced that you do not have the required talent to start or run a business.

• You believe that whatever you are planning to do does not suit your personality.

 For example – You want to start a YouTube Channel, but you believe that you are a very shy person and not fit to face the camera.

• You are not actually willing to do the task you have chosen.

For Example – You want to learn ballet dance because your best friend is learning. In that case you may not be motivated, as you may not genuinely be interested in learning ballet. 

Even common excuses like “I need to learn more, before I start”, “I need more resources or time to start” etc. are ways to avoid the pain of starting. So consider starting with whatever knowledge and resources you have, and you can always keep learning in the process. 

3. Fear of the shame and embarrassment that accompanies failure

Shame and embarrassment that comes with failure, is one of the major reasons that we fear failure. Several studies have shown that people fear the shame and embarrassment that comes with failure. 

A  study conducted in the year 2005, published in Sage Journals shows that people who have higher levels of fear of failure, experience more shame in the event of failure. 

While observing people with low fear of failure, it was found that they do not associate shame with failure. 

So, the answer lies in seeing failure as a part of the game, rather than seeing it as something shameful.

In another study it was found that people who have a high sense of shame associated with failure, are less likely to learn from their failures. 

Studies also show that people who have a goal oriented approach experience less embarrassment due to failure. The learning? Focus on the goals. Failure are the obstacles that we need to overcome one by one to reach our goals. It’s like the more obstacles we keep getting and overcoming, the closer we are to the goal.

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4. Starting is tough if you are a perfectionist.

You have started writing a book. As you begin you may feel that you are not writing up to the mark.

You are writing, not liking it, deleting and writing all over again. Over time you become so unhappy with the way you are writing that you start feeling that you are not a good enough writer. Finally you stop writing. This is how the obsession of doing things  perfectly kills many endeavors.

So stop trying to be perfect. Instead try being consistent. You cannot be perfect at once, but by being consistent you can surely be perfect one day. 

Ways to Overcome the Fear of Starting Something New

Considering all the major reasons that stop us from starting a new endeavor, here are some of the ways to overcome the fear of starting- 

Tip 1–  Start Small

You want to start a successful business, you want to be as successful as Bill Gates or Elon Musk. But even Bill Gates started his business from a Garage. Elon Musk did not start Tesla at once. He too started small and gradually moved on to his current position. So Start small with whatever ability you have and scale up gradually. If you too want to build a business around your passion, may be you could start small by working on your business idea during weekends and after your office hours. There are many successful people who have managed to achieve their goals by taking small but consistent steps. 

Tip2.  Acknowledge that your mind will resist. 

You have been doing a desk job for the past 5 years. But in your heart you want to be a dance teacher. That calls for action. You may have to brush up your dancing skills, your teaching skills, find a new job as a dance teacher or start your own dance classes. In doing all these your brain faces many challenges. It has to get out of the old habits that it formed and adapt to new routines, habits, feelings, so it will resist.

Acknowledge that the brain will resist. It’s a natural process. But you can gradually train your brain. Familiarize your brain with all the new things and situations it needs to face, slowly and steadily. 

For example, start dancing regularly after you get back from work. To start with, start teaching dance to any family member, or your neighborhood kids on weekends. You cannot switch from being a desk worker to a dance teacher at once. Hence go for gradual and consistent transition. This way your brain learns to adapt to things gradually without much rebellion. 

Tip 3 – Remember that Success is not about talent. 

Great Ideas, proper planning and persistent work towards the goal is the mantra to success. Do not give up on your dreams thinking that you do not have the talent or genes. Start working towards it. 

Tip 4 – Stop being embarrassed at your failures. 

No one is born an expert. Failure is mandatory in the path to expertise. So accept that failure is  a part of the journey. Fail, get up, try again, and continue. 

Tip 5 –  Go for consistency, not Perfection

If you try to do everything perfectly, chances are that you will soon get frustrated. Whatever it be, learning a new skill, starting a new business or beginning any new task, it’s impossible to get perfect at once. Perfection comes with consistency. 

Remember, “Consistency is what transforms Average into Excellence”

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Categories: Mental Fitness

Tags: Mental Fitness